btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
