When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
