God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
