I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
