rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
