I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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