First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
