absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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