You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
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