3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
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