Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
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