dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
