imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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