just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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