I never want to see another naked old woman again.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
