Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Randomize
