just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
