is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
You were trust falling into bushes
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize