my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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