we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
