I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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