Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
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