I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
