Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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