I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
