I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
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