Only a mothe r could love this liver
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
