Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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