I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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