I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Randomize
