i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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