Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
you had me at cake vodka
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
