Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
