So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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