Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Randomize
