dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Randomize
