i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
