You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Randomize