youre lurking in front of me
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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