We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Randomize
