My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
