all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
