mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
