I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
