Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
