I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I fill condoms, not promises.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Randomize
