So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize