He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Randomize
