i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Quick, to the slutcave!
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
