Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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