are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
