So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Randomize
