uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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