I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
