Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize