She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
