It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
