just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
even my farts smell like vagina
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Randomize
