So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
