I think I won the penis lottery.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
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