He is such a slut. More and more my type.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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