Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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