Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Oh god it's open bar.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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