Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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