I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
