Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
