Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
