Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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