i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Randomize
