I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Everyone says I win the strip club
I need to wash the frat house off of me
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
