So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
