He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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