She said her name was "party"
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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