Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
